Saturday, January 25, 2014

Movie 43 - A summary and loose review

...What the hell did I just watch? This movie is...something. This was given a 2/5 stars on Netflix, and I'd heard about it through friends who "enjoyed" it. I laughed, I won't deny it that, but this is not an example of a good movie. It's a movie about a (homeless?) guy (Dennis Quaid) who has a bunch of movie and short ideas that he brings to a studio exec (Greg Kinnear) to try to get his ideas to the screen. His ideas, played out in different sketches by different A-list actors, are nothing less than awful. This whole over-arching segment is called "The Pitch." Things in this sketch escalate throughout the film, but I'm not the spoiler-ing type, so I won't reveal anything.

The first segment or short presented is titled "The Catch," which stars Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman on a blind date. This sketch is awkwardly humorous, but mostly just awkward. I really can't delve into too much detail on this one.

The second segment is called "Homeschooled" and is one of the shorts I liked the best. Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts (who are together in real life!) have homeschooled their teenage son his whole life. But to make his academic life more like a normal teenager's, they implement all the old cliches normally found in high schools. While a couple of new neighbors are visiting, the parents discuss their son's experience as a homeschooled teenager, and what the new neighbors hear is not what they expected.

"The Proposition" stars Anna Faris and Chris Pratt as a couple who are ready to move onto the next level of their relationship. However, the next step is different for either one. While he wishes to propose marriage, she proposes something a little more unconventional. He asks his friends for advice and is told that this is a great honor and not a whore's act. On the night of their consummation, he prepares accordingly, but his anxiety overrules his manners, and the night is ruined.

Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin are exes. In "Veronica (Emma's character)," she storms into the grocery store where her ex is at work and they begin to argue...and flirt...and get verbally sexual. What should be a private conversation, however, is not. This was another sketch I really enjoyed.

Throughout the movie, there are several "commercials" featuring the iBabe - an iPod with the body of an attractive woman. In the actual "iBabe" sketch, the company that produces this human mp3 player (including Richard Gere, Jack McBrayer, and Kate Bosworth) learns that the consumers of their product aren't using the iBabe for its original purpose. Lawsuits are being handed to the company left and right. Should they have put a warning label on their product?

In "Superhero Speed Dating," our Boy Wonder, Robin (Justin Long), is looking for love, but he keeps getting, well, cockblocked by Batman, played by Jason Sudeikis, who's actually looking for a bomb placed by his nemesis, The Penguin. But while Batman is at it, he screws with Robin. Among Robin's speed dates are Lois Lane (Uma Thurman) and Supergirl (Kristen Bell). Superman shows up and foils Robin's chances with Lois, and Supergirl is not who she seems. Batman also encounters Wonder Woman, and so many hijinks ensue. This was another fun sketch.

We take so many things for granted in today's world. ATMs are necessary when we need instant cash, but do we ever thank them? No, they're just machines. Or are they? How does the money actually come out of the dispenser? How does it know how much? Thanks to "Machine Kids," maybe you'll think twice about how you treat an ATM. I chuckled at this fake commercial.

Middle school is a really awkward time for dating. Chloe Grace Moretz learns the hard way in "Middle School Date", and so do Jimmy Bennett (her date) and his older brother (Christopher Mintz-Plasse). But the boys learn more than just how awkward pre-teen dating can be, they learn about the female anatomy when puberty hits. This sketch is also full of awkward humor, which I'm a fan of, so I thought this one was pretty funny.
Featured during "Middle School Date" is another commercial, "Tampax." It involves two women on the beach, a shark, and the tagline "Now leak-proof."

"Happy Birthday" is just the type of thing Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville were made for. Johnny slept with Seann's girlfriend, so in order to make it up to him (and as a birthday present), he captures a leprechaun (played by Gerard Butler, which I did NOT catch onto). You know that if you catch a leprechaun, he'll give you his pot of gold. But you know that you also shouldn't mess around with the Irish. Luckily, the two ultimately best the leprechaun (and his cohort). There's also a part two to the awesome birthday present...

"Truth or Dare" is a story of one-upping, starring Halle Berry on a blind date with Stephen Merchant. Small talk and typical get-to-know-you dates are the last thing Halle wants anymore, so she challenges her date to an ongoing game of Truth or Dare. Things get really out of hand, but they end up getting it on, in the end.

Remember the Titans was a fantastic movie. In this spirit, "Victory's Glory" tells the tale of a basketball coach giving his players an uplifting, in-it-to-win-it speech to encourage his boys. Don't expect a Denzel-type speech in this one, but do expect a laugh or four. The final sketch is played mid-credits, after ending the film with the final scenes of "The Pitch." It is about a cartoon cat obsessed with his owner. "Beezle" is a maniacal cat willing to do anything to keep his owner, Josh Duhamel, all to his little kitty self. But Josh is in a serious relationship with Elizabeth Banks, who suspects Beezle is not the innocent cat his owner believes him to be. This last sketch is another awkward watch, and although I laughed a bit, it was more "eeeeeh" than "ha!" Final word is, if you have time to kill and want to watch something that doesn't take a lot of brain power but does offer tons of stars, by all means, watch this. There are a few laughs, and you'll mostly ask yourself "how the hell did they convince these A-listers to do this shit?" Is it better than some of those parody movies like "Epic Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"? Yes. There may be cheap gags, but they're pretty original.

I'm too indecisive when it comes to giving ratings (there are too many things to consider!), but I'll give this one a straight 5/10.